My self-portrait depicts how I feel
from time to time about myself and how life is going for me at the moment. One
point of view of myself is calm, life in black and white, nothing out of the
ordinary and everything in its place. This is the persona I present to the
world, a false face so nobody can see the turmoil and the chaotic
mess that is my inner self. The inner me, the hidden side of my life is
like a described. Chaotic and in turmoil, I am bathed in the blood of my youth
and possibly the blood of my future. I am on uncertain ground with no heading
or direction. Blood is the only companion I have to keep me company, its all I
can recall rom my youth. Without it I would be even more lost and directionless
because the pain of the past is what makes me the individual I am today. I am
creative and visual oriented because it was my only way to escape the harsh
reality of a troubled youth. I would imagine scenes and act like I was taking
pictures until I was able to buy a camera and then I actually took the pictures.
The first half of this photograph was taken
in studio with me sitting in a chair and the camera positioned over me shoulder
while I am looking into a stand up mirror. The second half was taken on some railroad
tracks, with me on my knees and the camera facing me as an assistant poured
fake blood over my head to show my inner trauma. Only an on camera flash was used for the
railroad shot and a single strobe key light with a 24” softbox was used to get
the low key lighting of the studio.